Little Human Rituals // Monthly Thread // MONTH UNKNOWN BC IM BAD AT TIME 8

Hello lovely,

I hope you’ve been well. I was unwell for a couple weeks in Feb but I still tried to find interesting things so come snuggle up and let me share all my mini adventures!

I did do a lot of art since I was inside a lot and we had gotten snowed in a few times but I hope to put those on YouTube as sleepy time videos. I’m working on one right now as a sleepy time chat about my little grimoire gal, what she means to me, just yap about a bit of meaning since a lot of the world seems a bit lost these days.

So as you may or may not know, I’ve been chronically online since I was young. I became pretty good at things that involved online life, like typing, drawing, VC chat, research, basically stuff with computers or revolving around them.

That’s fine but because I was pretty unsafe offline, I never wanted to do anything offline. But that made me feel pretty hollow. Like even crochet and that sewing machine intimidate me because I lacked the skillset to feel safe while learning.

So!~ That lead me to creating little structures at home where I could practice stuff and feel safe. I figured if I couldn’t get the skillset as a kid, I could definitely get it now if I was able to be patient with myself.

(Idk about other millenial adults out there, but if you ever asked your parent for help with a math question and while THEY were looking at the answer, they just screamed about it being obvious, their face going red, heavy breathing over the audacity of you not understanding, despite the fact they themselves dropped out of school and what not… yeah, that’s the set up I was working with.

I thought if I could replicate the parent that’s supposed to be tirelessly patient with myself, it might go better.

So, while the sewing machine is super intimidating (omgosh what if I broke it while tryna learn on it? Id feel so bad for that grandma and her son!) I decided to swap to loom knitting.

That… did not go well. I lost my patience so many times and while I really loved doing a static loom as a little girl, oh my lawd, I got overly upset when I realized I missed a peg! I had to frog (Im learning new words about this! Frogging means undoing the crochet/knit/etc.I think, like taking it all out and redoing it or smth like that.)

Anyway, I missed a peg one too many times and I had a few breakdowns about it. Pushed it aside and decided to pivot. Anyone want a loom? xD

I wanted to learn a hand craft that was easy, had results, and fixing problems with it wasn’t so damn upsetting. Loom knitting was taking FOREVER to see results and frogging all that progress was just no good.

I did know how to do crochet a little though.

I only knew how to do slip stitch, chains and double chains but didn’t know about granny squares. My mom would make them like crazy but I didn’t know and I wasn’t gonna ask after seeing how she taught math lol.

So I watched a youtube tutorial and kept trying to practice it!

I also had to calm down that internal critic bc when I don’t get something off the jump, that internal parental voice can yell much like she did when I didn’t understand math well so I had a few cries and kept sitting with myself.

I figured none of these hand-focused tasks stuck with me through the years because I felt perpetually unsafe to let the memory/hand motion repetition sink in. I was too worried about doing it right to avoid punishment but the only punishment right now was coming from my own thoughts.

It’s like that Saddy Daddy-O song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhjWiBeqjB8

Lyrics:

From the first moment That I’m waking up

‘Til I go to bed I’m just sad as fuck

I got 12 pairs of blue grippy socks

Drinkin’ Dr. Pepper And it’s on the rocks

And my friends tell me That I’m unwell

And by friends I mean I’m by myself

It’s just me and my inner thoughts

And I promise you That they’re no help

Lol! It’s like I gotta figure out how to calm the frantic panicking manager down in my head, else the employees who wanna learn the craft will be too worried about upsetting the manager, so I hotboxed the manager and went back to the tutorial, frogged it a few times, kept practicing.

Slowly, the panicked manager slid into the sardonic wise ass apocalypse version that cracks jokes, asking why I was looking for granny squares tutorials if I was gonna make granny triangles and circles.

That made me laugh, I can’t help but laugh when my own roasts make me giggle. So finally I started getting it!

I kept tryna lay them out on the couch so I could see progress but at a certain point, Kupo refused to move so he became part of the display lol.

Anyway, I LEARNED A HAND THING! And I can make the squares now without having to watch the tutorial! So to me, I think that’s a success. I can take this little hobby anywhere now and if I get nervous somewhere, I just start working on my granny shape, whatever the hell shape it wants to be, hopefully a square LOL and now Ill be unstoppable!

Im so excited! I bought some more yarn. I had this yarn from a discount thing so it isnt very pretty but I can’t wait to learn more and do more intricate squares!

While I was learning this, Jon was encouraged and started making monkeyfists and leatherworking! I hope to ask him for a corset soon but I think that is a bit off since he’s just starting too haha!

Oh! I made good food, but I forgot most of it. HOWEVER, I did make pizza out of the socca! I put a little vegan cheese on top after making a nice marinara, torched the fake cheese, GIRL IT WAS SO GOOD! That’s why you don’t see much in the pan xD

It snowed so much, it swallowed up the stairs again too!

Oh! We did make soup, god I love a good soup in winter w/ a little toast, omlawd!~

We went to good will and Jon ended up getting a 5 yr old alocholics goblet thingy O_< lol its so smol!

Speaking of smol, we saw one of those Japanese trucks driving around and omg, the license plate was perfection lol. “So Smol” AHHH MY HEART, SO CUTE~!

I hope I get to drive in one some day, that’d be cool. Not me doing the driving though, not with this bad depth perception lol.

Of course, Kupo makes a few more cameos bc I spent a lot of time with him! He’s gotten so playful and relaxed up here, he will just decide when it is playtime and intensely stare at us and then lead us to the carpet/rug, its so stinkin’ cute.

Oh! A while ago, we got these little foam clay things, you are supposed to make them with a friend. We finally got around to ones we got like 2 years ago and half the foam clay was dried but we did our best! I made a neurotic puppy and Jon made a concerned cat haha, so stinkin’ adorable though!!

Oh! And after making some squares, Kupo ended up hooking his paw around one and squeezing it to him like a little stuffy, isn’t it precious! Ahh! My chest is gonna burst with happy lol

It did get exceptionally foggy lately w/ all the snow and weather! It looked a little Silent Hill-y! Spoopy! Not the season yet, zombies! Stay in your hibernation til Oct >:3

Well, maybe my month was a little more eventful than I thought! It just feels like with everything going on, life is going at breakneck speeds and I wanted to slow it down with some hobbies and soft times.

What did you get up to this month? How are you doing? What went well? What needs work?

I can’t wait to hear. Stay safe out there, lovely. It’s hard to stay positive but the only way out is through. Let’s keep making small pockets of relief as we get through to where we want to go!

Love you oodles, I’ll see you next month!